HUMOUR

Some Little Known French Laws That May Surprise You

The blank look on this mannequin is un peu warmer than the look you’ll get from the receptionist in the doctor’s office. Photo is author’s.

Even a faint smile, the slightest glimmer of understanding, can draw a stiff fine and, possibly armed gendarmes. I think there’s even talk of bringing the guillotine back for repeat offenders.

I thought at first it was just me. That the receptionist at my local cabinet médical had remembered me from a previous visit.

First I’d forgotten to say ‘Bonjour,’ upon arrival (also a punishable offense) and then compounded the crime by waiting in la salle d’attente jaune when she’d told me to wait in la salle d’attente bleue which meant the doctor whose name I can never pronounce — something like Tesseiwzywhatthehell had to come looking for me which didn’t go down well with Dr. Tessewhatsit either.

She didn’t even crack a smile when I told her I was colour blind and couldn’t distinguish between blue and yellow.

So, on my next visit, as I looked into the receptionist’s blank eyes, I knew exactly what she was thinking.

Merde, c’est encore cette idiote d’Anglaise

I mean, I know I can be annoying — equally so in French and English — but when I told my friend Hélène that I dreaded doctor visits because of the surly receptionist, she explained that French law requires les réceptionnistes du cabinet médical to…